Trauron's LiveJournal

Ehh..I just feel like I really need to vent or something, I've been feeling really crappy this weekend, and I'll tell you exactly why.

All my life, I've basically been pushed around, bullied, beat up, you name it. I've been a target since Primary, crazy right?
I am now just finishing up my 11th grade in HS, it still happens, but this is where the worst part comes in.

For a while at home now, maybe the last two or three years, I've almost never have been able to have a single conversation with my mother without her yelling the hell out of me for something small.
For instance, I once didn't know of the existence if a 'sock basket' which was in the laundry room, and she decides to yell at me for not knowing where it was since I am never in there anyways.
Theres many other smaller instances such as that one, but thats the one that really gets me, something REALLY stupid, and getting yelled at for it.

The worst of all this is my lack of ability to do what I like with myself, I used to have my computer in my room, but I kept staying on late at night on it, but it never effected my grades or anything, not a bit, but she decides to move it into the basement anyways, and then she took it away for nearly 2 weeks so I would get on a normal sleeping cycle that makes no difference at all for me getting out of bed.

I've had the wanting to leave this stupid house for over a year now, since all anyone treats me like is a waste of their time, even my sisters are like that. I'm basically just a burden to anyone in my family here, usually while I always try to find people online to chat with, because thats the only place that I never get judged and people will actually listen or appreciate me for who I am, someone who is always willing to help others in need whenever I can.


This is the part that really has put me over the edge for wanting to leave here, and I will direct quote this from an IM with a friend yesterday(whom offered that if they had a place, they would let me stay).

- (5:15:55 PM) Trauron: so I was pulled upstairs for the last 45minutes, so my mom could barge through my room and look through all my stuff, and yell at me constantly over little things like batteries being on my bureau or a few pieces of newspaper on my desk (which I could of used for a craft or something) until she finally said "why did I ever have you" "the only thing that comes out of your mouth is negitivity" "its definitely not the way you were raised (lol, that's a total lie and a half)" and "I can't wait till you leave this house"

Then today, something similar happened with just a Wii that has been on the floor for nearly 2 months that she only decided to yell at me now for, two cans of coke on my computer desk, empty, and an old Mark sheet that showed me failing a course back at the very beginning of April.
"Your up to here with me, if you say even one more word, your done for, as well as your computer" "All That ever comes out of your mouth is lies, its never the truth (thats a lie, did she think I was lying when I answered yes to when she asked if I was gay, and admitting to staying up late on my computer on occasion?)" What the hell did I do wrong? Honestly, this whole weekend has basically left me feeling like crap, and wanting more then ever just to walk out and leave this hell hole.

I know theres really nothing I can do about it unless I want to leave HS, which is a possibility, I could always just take it later or something, or I heard there was a test that can be done in order to be equivalent to a high school graduate...anyways, I'm done with my rant for now.

I'm surprised I'm not Emo or have something like ASPD or something, which I'm starting to suspect that I am getting since a lot of the traits of ASPD are fitting me right now. *Sigh*


For ever reads this whole thing, thank you for reading it.

I think I will stick with a weekly entry to my livejournal, it seems good enough to me.


Anyways, not much to say again this time, my semester is soon coming to an end, so I will have exams to partake...still have a lot of work to pass in for a few classes, going to need to get those done. =/

So my sister got something I've been wanting for years, a laptop, for her birthday, then an mp3 player as well. Thats like $600 right?
When I asked for a tablet for my bday, my mother was like "$200? fuck no", almost never even got the tablet at all, only the efforts of my dad allowed me to get it.

That really pisses me off, refraining from even getting me a single $200worth gift when they give my sister  $600 in gifts? That is just...cruel, my mother has always treated me like this, like she never wanted me at all.
*sigh* Got to hate it sometimes *shrugs*


I end this entry with a single: rawr.

~Tra

Lol yes, I've taken a while again to post to my livejournal, I never seem to check here anymore since no one seems to read anyways, I really need to kind of advertise my page around a bit I guess. xD;

*cough* Anyways, happy late new year, merry late Christmas and all of that.


Uggh, break is over after today, going to be back in classes for a while again, longest break now is march break, not sure what plans I will have for it though, then the summer...why does education suck so much? D:

For those actually reading these entries, thank you. I appreciate it...and thats about it, I'm feeling rather vague today.

~Tra

 Ack, I haven't been keeping my lie journal up to date due to losing the bookmark for it. D:
Anyways, not much has been going on lately, I've been in a rather art block for a while..so its annoying, then I'm piled with a ton of school work besides that.

I fail, after weeks of not updating, I only have two sentances. <<;


Anyways, I would like to congratulate Winter for finding a mate. :] woo!


Er...thats about it I guess.

I liked the thing Winter posted, so I'm posting mine too. C:

Just posting to take up space and whatnot.















WHOOOOOOOO!....ok, done wasting thirty seconds of your life.

PS: I love my mate. x33

I haven't found much time to get to post in my livejournal, been running around doing a lot of other stuff such as trying to draw and making CSS interfaces for a friend or two, as well as continuing that RP with http://scuba-steve-the-1st.deviantart.com/, yeah, its still going. <_<

I've been doing a lot of doodles on MSN lately, and they are still better then anything I can do on paper, imagine that. 8D

I know this is a really short journal entry, but sorry, I don't have much to talk about. =/

I've been feeling down most of the day, as well I have been trying to get rid of this nasty Trojan thats messing up my computer and making things such as windows media player and AIM not work, but I was able to pass the time today by role playing with http://scuba-steve-the-1st.deviantart.com/. We have RPed most of the day and we were fairly uninterrupted too. He also helped me feel a bit better about how sad I've been lately.

On another note, I've still been ever improving on my ability to draw and get proper anatomy, but what would be really nice is a TABLET, so much easier then paper you know.

Anyways, thats it for now, I'll be sure to post tomorrow as well. ;p

Hmm, well I decided to check out livejournal and see how I liked it, it will take me a while to get used to the layout of this website, but I'll get the hang of it eventually.

I've actually been working on some sketches for a few people who requested me to make one for them on deviantart, I have the plans for three of them currently, and I am trying to get the fourth one done...anyways, I'm going to make this short for now until I feel I can make my journals more enjoyable.

~Trauron